I have been on a short hiatus from blog post writing. This was due to the fact that I was having my second child! She is already almost 6 weeks old and I can’t believe the time has flow so quickly.
Today I just felt like sharing my thoughts with you, so this post is mostly just a personal story tied in with some musing that I have been doing on the craziness that is parenthood.
Yesterday was my first day home alone with both of my girls. To be honest, I was terrified. I didn’t think I could do it. I had just gotten the groove going with having one at home. We had a kind of rhythm going on. Almost like a delicate dance where everything just sort of worked. I felt like I was doing a pretty good job. “Winning” as some might say. I wasn’t sure how I was going to juggle two kids under the age of 2. Plus I had been blessed with some help in the beginning. My husband was able to take a good chunk of time off from work and then I had my mom come and help me.
I resolved to take things day by day. Knowing that focusing too much on all that I had to do would overwhelm me. Well to my surprise, day 1 of it being just me at home went surprisingly smooth. Eldest girl was very patient when I had to take care of baby, and we even started our potty training! (Something I have been wanting to do with her, but waiting until we were ready.) I felt like a great mom. And I thought, “I can do this.” It was a good day. I was “winning”.
Well day 2 was a disaster. Oldest girl ended up watching far too much TV because baby was inconsolable. We had a quick lunch which was hardly what one would call nutritious. And at the pinnacle of the madness I was counting the minutes until nap time. At one point my toddler came up to me and rested her head on my leg, looking up at me with a sad face. “I am doing such a bad job”, I couldn’t help thinking to myself. This would be a day I would consider to be “losing”.
Luckily, nap time did give me a bit of a break and I was able to just sit and muse. Parenthood isn’t about winning and losing. It isn’t about what an amazing or terrible job you are doing. It is about having the best intentions and giving of yourself completely. My toddler might have days where she melts down (so will I!). The baby may be inconsolable at times. Life happens and as parents all we can do is roll with the punches. My mom had told me something once when I had first become a mom that resonates with me to this day, “They aren’t going to notice or care about anything else other than the fact that you love them and show it.”
So for those of you out there who feel like you are “losing”, just know, all your kids care about is the fact that you love them. If you stop at the end of your day and ask yourself if you showed your love to your kids, then you are doing just fine. Don’t worry too much about “winning” or “losing”, and certainly don’t compare yourself to others. Those other parents have their tough days too. Just know that you are doing the best you can and your kids know that too.