I was sitting just talking with my husband the other day (something that doesn’t happen as much anymore) and I found myself really enjoying the time we were spending together. Of course in the back of my mind was, “I need to clean the kitchen, the laundry needs to be done, I have to put away the clean clothes…” But I eventually quieted the blaring list of things being repeated in my head because I reminded myself how important it is to spend time with your spouse.
I don’t know about you, but after having kids it has been increasingly difficult to simply spend time with my husband. There are always a bunch of things on my to-do list (same with him). I realized that I usually just give him whatever is “leftover” of my time, which usually isn’t much. The kids have the majority, my housework responsibilities come next, and then whatever small sliver is left is what he gets. My prioirities are out of wack!
So I decided to consciously make a change. He needs to have prioirity over a lot of other things that just aren’t as important. Of course the kids are high priority, but their daddy needs to be too! If I want our family to be strong and stay together, then I need to make sure I work on my marriage just as much as I work at everything else. The dishes can sit dirty in the sink for one night so that I can sit and talk with my husband. He is worth so much more than that!
In a marriage it is important to communicate everyday and invest in the relationship. My husband and I joke sometimes when we do something for the other person it is, “Points in the bank”. But you do sort of have to think of your relationship that way. You are investing in your relationship.
There is a blog I follow written by Dave Willis who writes all about marriage and family life. I really like taking some time to read his posts because it gives me ideas on how I can work on my marriage. One such post titled-The prescription for a happy marriage discusses how you need to be connecting with your spouse consistently with a list of things you should do daily, weekly, monthly, and annually.
Here is the jist-
For Daily: Take thirty minutes a day (at least) with no electronics or distractions and communicate with each other while also touching (something as simple as holding hands). The touching combined with the talking brings a daily reconnection on both a physical and emotional level.
For Weekly: Make “date night” a priority every week. It should be without kids, but can be as simple as taking a walk together.
For Monthly: Once a month, create one new shared goal together (examples- Paying off debt, participating in an marathon, learning to tango…) It could be related to any part of life, but make it a goal you can share together and then put a specific time limit on meeting the goal and plan the celebration when you reach it.
For Annually: At least once a year, plan a trip together. It can be a simple overnight stay in the next town over. Just something you can plan and look forward to together!
We try and work on so many other aspects of our lives like getting organized, working out, eating right, and yet we don’t necessarily make similar goals for our most important relationship! This is why I am planning on making a real effort to change that in my life. Maybe you feel this way too, and that is why I have chosen to share this with you! I am working on not giving my husband the leftovers (when I am tired and cranky), but making sure he gets to interact with me when I am at my best!
What things do you do in your marriage to help the relationship?